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Tommy Vercetti: I did your wife, you poor bastard.

Phil Cassidy: Hilary has abandonment issues. Something about his momma.

Tommy Vercetti: Abandonment issues? What a freak. Why can't I meet someone that's normal for a change?

Tommy Vercetti: What did I do wrong in a past life?

BJ Smith: So remember, to succeed in life, you must eliminate everything in your path, in a blind rage.

Pastor Richards: One day while sitting in class you'll look outside the window to see Russians dropping down to take us over. What are you gonna do then, huh? Run into the woods with your friends, put twigs in your hair, call yourselves the Wolverines and fight off the Russians? I think not.

Ricardo Diaz: You da man, man, all my friends, they got big cajones, and you, you got big cajones.

Pastor Richards: As I say in my book, many are called, but unless you have a good credit rating, go screw yourself, you'll burn in hell.

Pastor Richards: I'll tell you about morality. Morality is what I say is right, and immorality is what I say is wrong.

Tommy Vercetti: What did I tell you before? NO GIANT SHARKS.